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Latest Santa Banta Jokes
Santa: That girl is deaf
Banta: How do you know?
Santa: I said I love her, she said her chapels are new
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.
Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.
Santa bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!
Titanic was sinking.
Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
Banta: 1 kilo meter.
Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"
Banta: Downwards!
Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.
Santa: "When I woke up this morning, I felt like going out and getting a job."
Banta: "Did you?"
Santa: "No. I stayed in bed until the feeling passed."
Banta ek Sadhu se bola: " Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi
upay batao."
Sadhu: "Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?"
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first -
the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.
Other Jokes ...
Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.
What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi
Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in m! edical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!
Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman
Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon
reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call
Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?
Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...
Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
Banta ek ! sadhu se bola" Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi
upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle,
aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeep! er asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next...
Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.
Santa:Q: Why dogs don't marry?
BantaA: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes
a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother
tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
Santa Singh while riding a cycle suddenly hit a girl!
The girl shouted: Ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!!!
Santa: Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se
maroon??!!!
Santa calls Air India. 'How long does it take to fly to
Amritsar?'
'Just a sec,' says the customer service assistant.
'Thank you.' says Santa and hangs up.
Santa: "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".
Banta: "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"
Santa: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..?
Biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
Santa : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When Banta asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies
Yaar...!!!
How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chicks to begin with.
A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chicks because all of the first lot had died.
Another month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chicks, for the second lot had also died.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa. 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
Santa to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao.
Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya,
Santa: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
How did Panditji Kill a Lion?
Panditji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion:
I'll drink poison n let the lion eat me.
Hari Om!
Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Santa goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last
words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"
A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
Santa & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Santa says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
Santa says hot coffee Rs.5 and cold coffee Rs.10.
Santa had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
Again he had twins & named them Peter & Repeater.
Again he had twins & named them Max & Climax.
Next time he had twins, disgusted Santa named them TIRED &
RETIRED!
Santa: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Banta: Y?
Santa: Got upper berth.
Banta: Y did'nt u try to Xchnge?
Santa: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower
berth..
Santa invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered
huge Losses.
Do u know what the business was?
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!
Santa tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite, nobody
will b there.............
Girl goes at night & realy nobody was there
Santa was standing below a tube light with mouth wide open.........WHY?
Because his doctor advised him
"Today's
dinner should be light".
Sardar and his family went for a party. He
introduces
himself -
I'm sardar, she sardarnee, the boy my
kid
& the
girl my kidney....
Professor Banta asked a plumber to come to
his
college.
U know why?
Because he wanted to check
where the
question paper is leaking...
On a romantic date Santa's girl friend asks him
"Darling on our engagement, will you give me a ring?
He said "Ya, sure
what's your phone number?
A street dog was chasing Santa and he was
laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Santa:
I have an Airtel phone, but still Hutch network is
following
me.
The Teacher asked all the students in a class to write an
essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except Banta.
He
wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver you
this
packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far? Instead u
could
have posted it....
What does Santa do after taking a xerox?
He compares it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
Santa proposed to a girl......
Girl said: 'I'm 1 yr
elder to
you'.
Santa said: 'Oye, no problem Soniye, I'll
marry you
next year.
A Sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C. After
Seeing he went to Delhi. Guess why?
The FORM said "FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".
A Teacher was lecturing on Population Explosion - "In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid."
Santa stood up and said - "we must find & stop her!".
Santa - "why are all these people running?"
Banta - "This is a race, the winner will get the cup."
Santa - "If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?"
19 Sardars went to watch a film.
On being questioned about the big group, they replied that the film was only for above 18...
Photographer Santa was focusing on the dead body's face in a funeral function.
Suddenly all the relatives started beating him - why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"
Santa recently found the answer to the most difficult question
ever.
What came first, the Chicken or the Egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Santa: The future tense is "You will go to jail".
Santa gets ready, wears his tie and coat; goes out, climbs a tree and sits on the branch regularly.
Banta asks why he does this.
Santa: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
Santa was filling up an application form for a job. He
was not sure as to what was to be filled
in the column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, he jumps
from the 100th floor
At the 50th floor, he remembers he doesn't have a daughter!
At the 25th flr: He's unmarried!
At the 10th: He's Banta not Santa.
Santa wins 20 cr from a Rs. 20 lottery ticket. The Dealer gives him 11 cr after deducting taxes.
Angry Santa: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!"
When Santa & his wife filed an application for divorce, the Judge asked: "How will you divide, you have 3 children?"
Pat came Santa's reply: "Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR."
Santa's wish: When I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep?
Not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call
Modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
Santa was writing something very slowly.
Banta asked: "Why are you writing so slowly?"
Santa: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast."
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab.
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
Short Jokes Category
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