I have nothing to declare except my genius. 
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, because, ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
Tourist Resort is a place where no one knows how unimportant you are at home.
Name the 3 fastest means of communication?
Telephone, Television and Tell-a-woman!
Love Affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either.
The trouble with being a good sport is, you have to loose in order to prove it.
An optimist: A man who gets married when he's seventy-five and then looks for a house near a school.
Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
Divorce : Future tense of marriage
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the
minds of either".
Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..
Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO,Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
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