The flight attendant asks a cannibal in First Class: "Would you like to see the menu?"
And the cannibal responds: "No. Can I see the passenger list? Thank you!"
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.
'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.
However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.
Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!
The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.
Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in.
Terry returns inside to chase it out. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, 'My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'
Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, 'Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!'
A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.
"$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot.
"That's too much," said the farmer.
The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10."
The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."
"Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."
S Vaiddyanathan/chandran
A man telephoned an airline office in New Delhi and asked, How long does it take to fly to Australia?
The Clerk said, "Just a minute...."
"Thank you!" the man said and hung up.
Passenger asked a flight attendant, "How high is this plane, Miss?"
The flight attendant replied, "About thirty-two thousand feet."
The passenger's jaw dropped in amazement. "Who'd have belive it? And could you tell me how wide it is?"
A young and stupid pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies So, when he was approaching a field during the nighttime, instead of making any official request to the tower, he said, "Guess Who?"
The Controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess Where!"
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