A tourist goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide while walking in the jungle, "Are we safe here? Aren't there cannibals around here?"
And the tourist guide says, "Yes. You can be sure there is no cannibals in Africa."
And the tourist says, "But there may be still some cannibals."
And the tourist guide says, "No, rest assured. We ate the last one last Monday."
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child
A tourist was being led through a river in Corbett National Park. "Is it true," he asked, "that a crocodile won't attack you if you carry a torch?"
"That depends, "replied the guide, on how fast you carry the torch!"
Frightened tourist: "Are ther any bats in this cave?
Guide: "There were, but dont worry, the snakes ate all of them."
Tourist to guide: "Can you tell me why so many famous ancient battles were fought on tourister sites?
Tourist: "Look Guide, Here are some LION tracks."
Guide : "Good. You see where they go and i will find out where they came from!".