Husband Wife Jokes
What do you call a beautiful woman in Poland?
A tourist.
Why don't women have umbrellas?
Because it doesn't rain in between the kitchen and the bedroom.
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”
Why did God create man before woman?
He didn't want any advice.
** A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
** A gushing young lady embarrassed Edison at a reception by her outspoken admiration. "You will go down in history, Mr. Edison, as the inventor of the first talking machine," she repeated for the tenth time.
"Indeed, no, madam," replied Edison, "I am not the pioneer in the field. The first talking machine was invented by the Almighty and I merely invented one that could be stopped at will."
"I have invented a computer that's almost human."
"You mean, it can think?"
"No. But when it makes a mistake, it can put the blame on another computer."
** This one woman of ill repute refuses to admit married men to her house.
Her motto is "I cater to the needy - not the greedy."
** The young waitress went to the Head Waiter and said, "I'm not going to serve that cheeky devil over there."
"Why not?"
"Well, he asked for French salad and when I said 'What's that?' he said, 'It's the same as any other salad, only you serve it without dressing.'"
** "It seems they had to give Mrs. Singh anesthesia twice for one operation."
"How come?"
"Once to perform the operation and once to keep her from talking about it."
** Girl to Fireman: "It must have taken a lot of courage to rescue me as you did."
Fireman: "Yes. I had to knock down three other guys who wanted to do it."
** Director: "So you say you can end all unemployment."
Candidate: "Yes sir."
Director: "How had you planned to do that?"
Candidate: "Well, I'd put all the men on one island and all the women on another."
Director: "And what would they be doing then?"
Candidate: "Building boats."
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