**T**wo random variables were gossiping and thought they were discrete by whispering but I heard their chatter continuously.

**W**hy did the statistician take Viagra?

**S**ince his sample was large, he did not want to be rejected with a small p-value and be declared practically nonsignificant!!

Three statisticians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first statistician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second statistician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third statistician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "On the average we got it!"

I asked a statistician for her phone number... and she gave me an estimate.

If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will.

**I** asked a statistician for her phone number... and she gave me an estimate.

"**W**hy are you moving? You have arrived to this lovely neighborhood just a few weeks ago."

"**Y**es, but I read in the local paper a bit of statistics that said, 'most auto accidents happen within eight miles of your home'."

**D**id you hear about the politician who promised that, if he was elected, he'd make certain that everybody would get an above average income?

**T**hree statisticians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first statistician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second statistician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third statistician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "On the average we got it!"

**P**atient: " Will i survive this risky operation?"

**S**urgeon: "Yes I'm absolutely sure that you will survive the operation."

**P**atient: How can you be so sure?"

**S**urgeon: "9 out of 10 patients die in this operation, and just yesterday my ninth patient died!"