Doctor Jokes


Lady: My husband just swallowed an Aspirin by mistake, what shall I do?
Dr: "Give him a headache now, why waste medicine !"

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--Signboard outside a.. PATHOLOGY Clinic-- For you it may be your Urine & Potty...
but
for us, it is our Dal & Roti...!!!

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Ashok: Why did u run away from operation table??
Ramesh : The nurse was repeatedly saying-"don't get nervous" ,"don't be afraid. "Be strong" This is a small operation only."
Ashok : So what was wrong in that? Why are you so afraid?
Ramesh: She was talking to the surgeon!

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Dentist: Why is one of your teeth broken? Man: I ate a chakli prepared by my wife that was very hard, Doc! Dentist: If it was so hard, you should have refused to eat. Man: Then all 32 teeth would have been broken,

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Dr gets a call...

Women:My husband just swallowed Aspirin by mistake, what shall I do?

Dr: "Give him a headache now, what else!"

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Definition of Nurse : A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.

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Doctor : How is ur headache ?
Patient : she's out of town.

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Doctor : Your Liver is enlarged
Patient : Does that mean it has space for more beer?>
This is called... Positive Thinking...

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In a "Mental Hospital" a journalist asks the Doctor: "How do you determine whether to admit a mental patient or not?"
Doctor: "Well..we'd fill a bathtub with water & then give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the bathtub."
Journalist: "Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket coz its bigger."
Doctor: "No, a normal person would pull the drain plug! Please go to bed No.39. We will start further investigations on you!"

Funny Doctor Jokes One Liners
Did you hear about the call girl that had to get her appendix out?
The doctor sewed up the wrong hole and now she's making money on the side.
Funny Doctor Jokes One Liners
What kind of physician works on a cruise liner?
A dry doc.
Funny Doctor Jokes One Liners
A woman visited a Doctor.
Woman: Doctor, I have a problem. I am...
Doctor: I know your problem. You always dream that you have become a horse, right?
Woman: How do you know?!
Doctor: Your pony tail hair style.
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Mr. Jones: Doctor, my son is having a problem.
He plugged up his ear and nose with chilies. Now he is screaming.
Doctor: That means he is not eating properly.
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"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"
"Yes, of course..."
"Great! I never could before!"
Funny Doctor Jokes One Liners
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
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How is a hospital gown like insurance?
You're never covered as much as you think you are.
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Patient: Doctor, you've got to help me. I think I'm a kleptomaniac.
Doctor: Don't worry. I think there's something you can take for that.
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What do you get if you have strep throat on Friday?
Saturday Night Fever.
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What do you call a Florida gynecologist?
A spreader of old wives' tails.
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Why did the proctologist use two fingers?
In case the patient wanted a second opinion.
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Did you hear that researchers have discovered that diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans.
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Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
They have shaky hands!
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After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He 1st checks the patient's eyes, tongue & ears with a Torch & finally declares
BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Other Jokes ...

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated:
"I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you."
"Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone."

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The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks."
"And did he?"
"Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."

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Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"
"Yes, of course..."
"Great! I never could before!"

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Patient to the eye doctor: "Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain."
"Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking."

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Doctor: " Good morning, Mrs Farokh. Haven't seen you for a long time."
Mrs Farokh: " I know, doctor. It's because I've been ill."


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Man to friend: " The doctor told my wife she should do some exercise."
Friend: "And is she doing this?
Man: "Well, she is - if jumping to conclusions and running up bills can be called exercise!".

Funny Doctor Jokes One Liners