Doctor Jokes

Did you hear about the call girl that had to get her appendix out?
The doctor sewed up the wrong hole and now she's making money on the side.

What kind of physician works on a cruise liner?
A dry doc.

A woman visited a Doctor.
Woman: Doctor, I have a problem. I am...
Doctor: I know your problem. You always dream that you have become a horse, right?
Woman: How do you know?!
Doctor: Your pony tail hair style.

Mr. Jones: Doctor, my son is having a problem.
He plugged up his ear and nose with chilies. Now he is screaming.
Doctor: That means he is not eating properly.

"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"
"Yes, of course..."
"Great! I never could before!"

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

How is a hospital gown like insurance?
You're never covered as much as you think you are.

Patient: Doctor, you've got to help me. I think I'm a kleptomaniac.
Doctor: Don't worry. I think there's something you can take for that.

What do you get if you have strep throat on Friday?
Saturday Night Fever.

What do you call a Florida gynecologist?
A spreader of old wives' tails.

Why did the proctologist use two fingers?
In case the patient wanted a second opinion.

Did you hear that researchers have discovered that diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans.

Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
They have shaky hands!

After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He 1st checks the patient's eyes, tongue & ears with a Torch & finally declares
BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Other Jokes ...

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated:
"I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you."
"Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone."

The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks."
"And did he?"
"Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."

Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"
"Yes, of course..."
"Great! I never could before!"

Patient to the eye doctor: "Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain."
"Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking."

Doctor: " Good morning, Mrs Farokh. Haven't seen you for a long time."
Mrs Farokh: " I know, doctor. It's because I've been ill."

Man to friend: " The doctor told my wife she should do some exercise."
Friend: "And is she doing this?
Man: "Well, she is - if jumping to conclusions and running up bills can be called exercise!".

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