A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.
The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back
Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
Have you any last requests? Asked the chaplain.
Yes, replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"
The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"
The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."
A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?"
"No, I'm an undercover dectective," the cop answers.
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off!"
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."
The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."
Man (seeking to lodge a complaint at the police station):
"I have lost my dog
Police Inspector: "Why dont you place an advertisement in the newspaper?"
Man: "Don't be silly, inspector! My dog can't read!"
A police man stops a lady and asks for her licence. He says,
"Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The Women answered, I have contacts."
The police man replied, "I don't care whom you know! I'm still giving you challan(Fine ticket)!"