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Two Hollywood stars met at a party.
'Darling!' exclaimed the first, your husband looks wonderful tonight, I've never seen him so fit and well. Perhaps its the new suit...?"
'No, it's not the suit. It's a new wife.'
Customer: "What do you have for greying hair?"
Druggist: Nothing but the highest respect sir.
Wise musings:
Men who treat women as helpless and charming play things deserve women who treat men as delightful and generous bank accounts.
Short Funny Jokes
A modern employer is one who is looking for men between the ages of 25 and 30 with 40 years of experience.
What did one magnet say to the other?
I find you very attractive.
Crime doesn't pay...
Does that mean my job is a crime?
What's the definition of lawyer?
The larval form of a politician
" Do you think I should put more fire into my editorials?" the writer asked.
"No," said his editor. "Vice versa."
What part of the car causes the most accidents?
The nut that holds the wheel.
Customer to used-car Salesman: "What I'd really like is a car that runs as smoothly as you talk."
Jones: "Good Evening, old man. Thought I'd drop in and see you about the umbrella you borrowed from me last week."
Brown: "I'm sorry, but I lent it to a friend of mine.
Were you wanting it?"
Jones: "Well, not for myself, but the fellow I borrowed it from says the owner wants it."
Author: "I'm convinced that the publishers have a conspiracy against me."
Friend: "What makes you think so?"
Author: "Ten of them have refused the same story."
Laloo Bhaiyya Gets Job
Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.
Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a press conference :
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted.
Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.
- Sanjna, Chennai
George Bush in a School
George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.
After his talk he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Bob".
"And what is your question, Bob?"
"I have 3 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
And Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they
will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?
Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him
what his name is. "Steve"
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"I have 5 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?!
And Fifth, Where is "Bob"? !!
- Shaunak Mehta,Bangkok
E-mail
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he
decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed
wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the
e-mail.
Meanwhile..... somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her
husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting
messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message,
she fainted. The widow's
son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the
computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached Safely
Date: 21 st July, 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now,
and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones. I've just reached
safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been
prepared
for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope
your
journey is as uneventful as mine was .........
Will- power
'Mummy, please give me another piece of ice-cream,' said little Bunty.
'But you've had seven already,' her mother pointed out.
'Just one more mummy.'
'Well, this must be the last.'
'Thank you, mummy - but I must say that you've got no will- power.
- Tarun, Delhi
Do you drink?
"Do you drink?" the girl's father inquired of his prospective son-in-law."
"First tell me whether it is a question or an invitation" asked son-in-law.
- S. John, Mumbai
Slow Clock
Wife - A great disaster was averted today. When my mother was passing from below the clock, it fell. Had she been late by a few seconds, the bloody thing would have fallen on her.
Husband - "I know this useless clock is always slow!!"
- S. John, Mumbai
Moscow the Capital of China
A girl was yelling in the Church after the Chapel: "Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!"
The priest inquired: "Why must you pray so, my child?"
Girl: "That's what I've written in my answer sheet in the examination!"
- Deepak , Delhi
Shadi se Pehle ...
A sher is getting married in jungle. There is a big bash and all animals are dancing to the tune of loud music being played.
In a corner a chooha too is dancing.
He is asked, "Are bhai choohe, aap kyu nach rahe ho?"
"Mere chote bhai ki shadi hai....Nachunga Nahin? "
"Sher kabse aapka bhai hone laga?"
"Shadi se pehle main bhi sher tha!", replied chooha.
- Monu, Bihar
Pleeeez Don't Interfere!
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're
cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM
NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going
to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful.
CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have
you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget
to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What the heck is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what
it feels like when I'm driving."
- Sanjna, Chennai
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