Highschool girl : My papa told me, this time if I fail in the exam, he will stop sending me to school and get me married straightaway.
Friend : OMG, so how is your preparation going on ?
Girl : All done. Only facial and pedicure left..
A lady standing in the front on red light stalled her car when it turned green. People started honking madly but she couldn't start. The light turned amber and then red again. Hearing the chaos...the traffic police guy from Haryana walked upto the lady....and said..
Madam.....Koi bhi rang pasand naa aaya ke
The woman who invented the phrase ...
"All men are the same" was a Chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd.
Daughter: What is Marriage ?
Mom: Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore...
Sexy secretary comes angrily out of Boss's cabin..
Staff askd: wht hapend?
Secretary: He asked me r u free tonight?
I said yes !
Rascal gave me 60 pages to type!!!
Lady: My husband who went to buy Dosa Mix is missing since 3 days
Police: what were u doing last three days?
Lady: Somehow managing with Upma and Puri, Sir.
Call from call centre:
We are offering you, a Credit Card, with best deals....
No Annual Charges, No Interest On Balance For 3 Months, Big Credit Limit & No Penalty For Overspending..!"
Smart Answer By The Lady:
"No Thanks, I Have A Husband With Lifetime Zero Fees, Unlimited Limit, No Interest & No Penalties and no re-payment For Ever..!!"
Mother to Son: Who is Tippu Sultan ?
Son : Don't know
Mother : Sometime give attention to study also
Son to Mother : Do you know Chinky Aunty ?
Mother : Don't know
Son: Sometimes give attention to Dad also
Smart answer by a Women...
On a flight, a guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him...
Man:'Nice perfume.....which one is it?... I want to gift it to my wife..!!'
Lady:'Don't give her....some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her..!!'
CLASSES FOR WOMEN....
Training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:
Position of a husband is just like a Split AC, No matter how loud he is outdoor, He is designed to remain silent indoor!
A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage..
She said- "sacrificing the admiration of hundred guys, to face the criticism of one idiot"
Women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, as compared to men.
A very INTELLIGENT man replied:
Women don't have have a wife.
The woman who invented the phrase ...
"All men are the same"
was a Chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd.
"A Woman's Prayer:
I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man ,
to Love and to forgive him ,
and for patience,
For his moods.
if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death"
Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Bhikhari (Car mein bethi lady se) : "Madam 10 Rs dedo..!" Lady ne paise de diye... . . Bhikhari jane laga tabi... . .
Lady boli:- Baba Dua To Dete Jao..! . . . .
Bhikhari:- BMW Mein To Baithi Hai ... Ab Kya... "Rocket Pe Baithegi..!!!"
Wife buys 12 underwears of same colour for hubby..
Hubby - Why same colour sweetheart. people will think I never change my underwear.
Wife - Which people?
Husband: Meri shirt ulti karke press karna.
? Wife: Ok
After 10 minutes Husband: Meri shirt press ki?
Husband - Q?
Wife - Ulti nahin aa rahi hai
Ek aurat Cheque Cash karane gai..
Clerk: Sign kro.
Clerk: PATI ko jaise chithi ke end me likhti ho.
Aurat ne likha..
"TOHAAR CHUMAA KI PYASI BIJLI"
"Indeed, no, madam," replied Edison, "I am not the pioneer in the field. The first talking machine was invented by the Almighty and I merely invented one that could be stopped at will."